What is love?

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 / drvijita / Leave a comment

There were so many times when I wondered what love really meant. It is something that’s meant to happen only between two individuals who are soul mates? Between those who are meant to be together?

If this is true then how it is possible that some people fall in love so many times, or why is it that married people get divorced if they married their soul mates and they were madly in love with each other just a few months ago? Does that mean that it wasn’t love?

What is the real truth behind love?

Like how we feel anger, sadness, fear, joy, acceptance, disgust, surprise and anticipation, love is just another feeling.

But why are we so confused while describing it?

Well, there are other feelings too that are hard to describe. For example, the feeling of disappointment.

You are of course sad when you are disappointed but sadness is not the only feeling that you have when you are disappointed. It’s mixed with other feelings too.
Like-wise, we have guilt. For example, you went out for a party that you weren’t permitted to go to. You felt the joy of being there but also you had the fear of what might happen if you get caught. This feeling of joy and fear together is the feeling of guilt. Yes, I’m sure you didn’t think of it that way before.

So what’s the story behind love?

All of us know how it feels when we are so full of joy. But love is not just the feeling of joy right?
Have you ever thought how it would feel when we have a mixed feeling of joy and a feeling of acceptance together?

When we feel the joy of being with somebody who is compatible with us, and when we feel that we are being accepted for who we are, we call that mixed feeling love.
The reason why the probability for falling in love is so less is because there is a very thin line that separates this from other combinations, like if joy is mixed with the feeling of anticipation, it won’t give you the feeling of love but instead make you feel like an optimistic person. Similarly if the feeling of being accepted is mixed with fear for the person then you will not feel love for the person but rather feel submissive. Or this feeling of love, instead of being just a feeling of joy and acceptance, if it gets mixed with other feelings like anger and fear, the outcome is that instead of feeling love for that person you will end up feeling jealous of that person.

It is also not necessary that you feel it for just one person. Love can happen with anyone, anytime, anywhere and multiple times, as long as you feel the joy and you feel fully accepted. But, if either joy or acceptance is lost, love will definitely fade.

That’s why it’s rightly put when they say – ‘love has no boundaries’.

The three questions to help you decide if your date is a keeper or not.

February 14, 2015March 31, 2015 / drvijita / Leave a comment

Deciding whether someone is a keeper or not can get you in a double bind. We tend to keep ourselves blind folded because we are interested in the person and every time we get hints that he/she isn’t a keeper, we try to ignore the negatives.

Well, each one of us are searching for our true soulmates and everyone in the end of the day is looking forward to stability. The truth is that everyone is a keeper for someone or the other but how can you recognise if someone is a keeper for you or not?

Are they ready for you? It’s hard to change a person or even try to change their routine. So there is no point waiting for them to be ready, it’s going to take a lot longer than you think. They have to be ready by themselves, you can’t change it no matter how hard you try.

Do words and actions match? If they say they will call you at a certain time or fix a date on the certain day, the keepers will make sure they are there for you. More importantly, they will check up on you in between and they will always want to be a provider.

Is career more important? If you hear them talking too much about how important their career is or that they have a lot going on. Well, they are really not lying and a lot must be going on but you got your sign. You need to hit the accelerator and move on because may be the person is a keeper but not for you.

Giving a commitment to somebody is all about timing. Sometimes even if the person is right, the timing is wrong. So don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t work. There is nothing wrong with you. All you have to do move on and create the space for the keeper or else how will they come into your life?

5 perfect gifts for your man.

December 24, 2014March 31, 2015 / drvijita / Leave a comment

Guys do cute little things that makes a girl feel that they care like getting flowers, surprising them with gifts or just opening the door for them.

But, what are the things that you can do to show him how much you care?

Make dinner! You can always make it together but how about letting him free to do his work or watch his favourite TV show or may be play his video games while you surprise him with his favourite meal?

Watch his favourite movie with him : You are lucky if you share the same interest in the kind of movies you like but even if you don’t, how about buying two tickets to his favourite movie and taking him out on a date.

Show him that you are proud of him : you have heard so many compliments from your guy, he makes you feel beautiful and makes you feel like a princess. He has always looked at you like he is the luckiest to have found you. Why not make him feel the same? Let him know how safe you feel around him. Let him know that you actually feel sad for his ex-girlfriends that you are the one who finally got him. Tell him that you are proud of having him as your man. There is no better gift than making him feel like a man who is capable of taking care of you.

Value his opinion : Ask him what does he want for Christmas ( No! That’s not the opinion I’m talking about). Discuss important things about your life with him, ask him for his opinion. It doesn’t make you an indecisive and dependent person if you do that.

Give him his space : Agreed that you are the most important person in his life but he also has other things he enjoys doing. Let him have his space. Don’t make him feel guilty that he didn’t include you in his plans. Just offer him your love and support in anything he does. Meanwhile, find other things to do rather than waiting for him. “You” will be that gift he treasures when he comes back.

And yes! men are not different from women. They love surprises and gifts too so take your pick. Buy him anything that he likes or anything that he needs or simply anything that you would love him to have.

Guy geometry in GIRLS’ math!

December 10, 2014March 31, 2015 / drvijita / 2 Comments

Girls are like wine! The older we get the better we are. But this wine does have certain chemical formulae and definitely some math which the guys need to understand. So let’s start with some basic girl math the guys should know.

Being a 13 year old girl—fun, exciting. To have few guys come up and ask us out. It all gets even more stirring when you dress up your best to meet a guy, coming back with stories of the first date and even writing about it in a diary.

Few years later, we turned prettier and started getting more attractive. We turned sweet sixteen, when the counting game was fun and we had to use the term fans instead of just a name of a guy because it really was a club. Some names had to be attached to their surnames because you need to identify the guys with the same first names, right? Not to forget the guys with the same surnames. All madly in love with us.

Turning 18 is like entering the fancy age. More boys, lesser girls around. Attention from everywhere, prank calls, missed calls, letters, chocolates, recorded CD’s with our favourite songs, roses, cards, gifts. New boys, old ones, all in love with us.

We learnt how to flirt, we blushed, we smiled, we played with our hair, and we were excited when a guy says the 3 words we love to hear.

Some of us had a boyfriend, or many boyfriends, some of us stayed single, or some episodes of being single at least for a while. But the attention never stopped. Everybody around flirted with including friends, good friends, friend’s friends, brother’s friends, friend’s brothers. And the story continued to our twenties.

Early 20′s were better, we learnt to dress up, regular parlour visits, spas occasionally and the individual styles we acquired for ourselves. All of which made us stand out for few eyes. We believed we had plenty of friends (mostly guy friends) and thought they’ll be around forever. Lost few friends because we rejected them for a relationship and they found new girlfriends but we didn’t bother at all because we had a bunch of guys in our list who we thought would be our friends forever.
26 years old already, but we feel like we are 16 inside—still enjoying the attention from every new guy that comes along and from old ones who have waited for years to hear a yes from us. So, yes we never felt too friendless.

27 years old, the guys are slowly getting married one by one. We are happy for them but sad also because they all changed. Though sometimes they act like we were the one they should have been with. So, all the married ladies, your guy does make someone feel that they are more special than you (guys don’t change even after they get married…though we have exceptions everywhere!). All the more reason, you hear lot of girls at this age saying that they don’t believe in marriages until they find the perfect guy, so you know what they mean!
At 28 years, we do not need that attention from so many guys. We need friends, we start realising that not many people took us as friends. The guys were just trying to see if at some point we just might be with them. We get fed up of guys hitting on us, in parties, in a bar, in a friend’s place, on the road, in the coffee shop, in the restaurants. Why can’t any guy just look at us as a friend? Where is the meaning of the friendship that we believed in all our lives? We are not 16 anymore that we enjoy your attention. We don’t want you checking us out anymore. When you flirt, it sounds ridiculous. We have heard enough of people telling us that they love us on just a few dates; we are done with every guy telling us that we are amazing and asking us for a kiss however polite you get at it. We want just a friend and may be if you act like a friend for a little longer you might even get whatever you want ( I hope your intention was of having a committed relationship) So stop flirting you guys, be a friend!

29 years old and given up in trying to make a guy become a friend. We start looking out for girl companions. We would love the fairy tale ending but we have given up on it. We don’t even mind our parents fixing us up with someone because all the guys we meet still seem to be in their early twenties and haven’t become matured enough to understand the girl mathematics.

30 year old, we are maturing like wine. We are polished. We have learnt to enjoy our own company. Some of us still haven’t found our match but that seems to be less important because we hardly care about the timing anymore. We will not compromise and it doesn’t matter how long it takes because we can now finally wait till we know, this is the guy. Love doesn’t seem like only a relationship thing anymore. We find love in everything we do, love in just being us. We have lost too much to be scared of anything; we only look forward to life. We don’t need to try to fit into anyone’s life any more or try too hard because someone would have grown up too and some day he’ll find her and she does not mind waiting.

Long distance relationships definitely work!

December 5, 2014March 31, 2015 / drvijita / Leave a comment

Long distance relationships are often seen as something that mostly end up with heart breaks or betrayal but with a little self maturity and discipline, it can be turned into a happy ending.

Before you try and make it work, you have to be aware of what kind of relationship you are into, whether it is lust or love. There is no point of investing years of your life when you know that your relationship is only based on lust but if you are sure that both of you are looking for something deeper and something more meaningful then yes, it can definitely work.

New technologies have made it easier to maintain long distance relationships but frequent communication is not always necessary, it does not actually matter. Building trust in the person is what really matters!

Being so far away from one another, it becomes hard to meet often and the longer you wait, you start feeling that the time is dragging and your interest is fading away slowly but if you can keep yourself busy and you are a person who has a lot of hobbies then you will realise that time flies and it’s that time again when you are going to meet your partner.

Conflicts between couples are very common and some of the conflicts end up into a break up but people in long distance relationships need to try and solve it faster or avoid conflicts because you have to make the most out of the little time you spend with each other.

Being independent is the key. You have to be someone who is not dependent, someone who is comfortable with going out alone or going to events and socialising with everyone. Remember you are not looking out for somebody or for a company. You are out to have fun.

Plan a place for the future where both of you can finally live together and a time frame for that. You need to create that incentive to wait for each other. Working things out for the future, whether its work wise or a place where both of you would love to live is necessary because finally you will have to eventually find a way to be next to each other.

Finally, love is what is stronger than any other thing so keep adding a little love everyday and some day it will definitely build the walls of your home together.